Originally posted JANUARY 1, 2017
“I am not here for acceptance,
I don’t know what you expect here,
But what you expect when you walk in a therapy session?”
NF | Therapy Session
2016 has run its course on all of us. Each person I talk to gives their own unique perspective on just what the past year has meant for them. Maybe you’ve heard, “Steph Curry and the 73-9 Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals!” or “I’m so glad Donald Trump is the President, and not Crooked Hillary. I’m gonna build a wall!” Perhaps, less jokingly, you’ve heard things like, “I just lost my best friend today to lupus,” “I lost my sister,” “I lost my ray of sunshine in a car accident,” or “Carrie Fisher, Prince, David Bowie, Gene Wilder, and everyone all in one year?” or even “Harambe for President!?”
This year was rough, to say the least. It seemed to start off so promising for me: a vibrant, new relationship; a summer job; a twentieth birthday; a trip to Mexico, Canada, and New England… the list goes on. It was almost as if my year took a turn for the worse. My vibrant, new relationship was still amazing, but it had turned into a long-distance, trans-Atlantic relationship after less than a few months together. My trip to Mexico was a blessing, but I came back with bodily functions working improperly, and it’s continued to hinder everyday life even as I write this. My trip to New England turned into an awful scare when I had a car accident that was initially ruled as my own fault (Guess what? It was my girlfriend’s father’s car)! I faced an entirely new semester at my university where things had seemingly gotten worse. Friends and family members were dying, elections had torn friends apart, and so many of my good friends had not returned.
I tried everything to just be okay. I had to find hope somewhere. I was given new jobs, I became an actor for my school’s largest comedy crew, and I bought this one video game I waited literally half my life for (Seriously, look up the development time for a game called Final Fantasy XV). With finals complete and the announcement that my girlfriend and some of my good friends would be returning next semester, I thought Christmas Vacation would be a time of rest and recovery. It’s been that, but I’m realizing I’m more mentally exhausted than I have been in a very long time.
“I got some things in my life, I know I should let ‘em go.
Let me jot it down, let me take a mental note.
I put it all in this microphone, think about that for a minute.
What is the point of this song? I’m just venting, but what do you expect from a therapy session?”
NF | Therapy Session
I’d been seemingly absent from everyone’s lives. I was holed up in my room doing nothing but getting ahead in homework, planning meetings, brainstorming ideas, and writing multiple research papers all at one time. You’d see me entertaining around a thousand people on stage on a given Saturday night as President Barack Obama or Steve Urkel, another afternoon you’d catch me meeting with several individual leaders over the week about small Bible study groups, by the middle of the week I’d be sitting in Student Association Senate Meetings, or every day I was grading your history quizzes. I felt as though I was snapping at the few good people who’d come and check on me or text me once in a while. I was missing people, my people, and it was eating at me.
“This is the way that I cope with all my emotion.
I’m taking pictures with thousands of people,
But honestly, I feel like nobody knows me.
I’m trying to deal with depression.
I’m trying to deal with the pressure…”
NF | Therapy Session
“Phil, you’ve gotta make sure everything is perfect.” These are the constant lies that have followed me. The moment things are not what I would have pictured, I grow frustrated and defeated. Recently, I’ve struggled with the pressure of my own need to be a perfect version of myself, even though we all know that God isn’t looking for perfection when we come to Him.
I did the only think I knew how to do: I admitted myself to a therapy session.
Look past the stereotypical therapist saying in a calm voice,“How do you feel? What does this picture look like to you? Tell me about your childhood,” or sounding like you’re having a conversation with Justin Bieber’s latest album, “What do you mean? Sorry, I’ll show you. No pressure! That don’t make no sense. Are you in love with the feeling? Life is worth living. Just get used to it!” Ignore the voice that sounds like Archibald from VeggieTales, and simply, relax.
When you admit yourself to a personal therapy session, you should expect to experience the pain of spiritual maturation. We are not perfect people. As the infamous quote goes, “You’re either entering a storm, within the storm, or just coming out of one.” Therapy sessions are pit stops along the way where one can go and recharge and refuel before enduring through our respective missions.
Don’t allow others to look down on you because you’re taking time for yourself and God. Your therapy session could be going out to nature with just you and the Creator and venting out those difficulties you’re struggling with. Your therapy session could be serving the needy or even surrounding yourself with encouraging friends who love you. Your therapy session could be much-needed alone time with yourself, the Savior and the Scriptures.
“Losing ain’t losing if you learned from it. It’s a lesson on how to win.” – Lecrae
Whatever you need to do to encourage yourself, God promises in John 14:14, “Ask for what you need in order to accomplish my mission, and I’ll do it for you.” (The Clear Word Version)
When we do not take time to regroup and refuel, we find ourselves burnt out, irritated, angry and less of the masterpiece that God created us to be. It’s okay to be exhausted, but do not let this world defeat you.
As Christians, we have a mission, but we must first remember that we are fallible creatures, and admitting our present struggles is the first step towards future greatness.
The truth is, I’m still exhausted with the prospect of returning to school to do even more that I’ve set out to do, but hopefully my words encourage you. I still feel alone, and I know that at this point, I’d love just a few more close-knit friends who are like-minded. I’m still fighting. It’s not over just yet. Go into this new year with your new goals. Who knows what 2017 could bring, and who knows if this year could be your last?
Until next time, philosophers.
“What you think about me
That doesn’t worry me
I know I handle some things immaturely
I know that I need to grow in maturity
I ain’t gon’ walk on these stages in front of these people
And act like I live my life perfectly
That doesn’t work for me.
Christian is not the definition of a perfect me.”
NF | Therapy Session