The two decorated scholars entered from stage right, their six-foot figures soaking in the applause from the crowded auditorium. After all these years of virtual meet-ups and conversations, Dr. Ibram X. Kendi and Dr. Clint Smith seemed just as moved as we all were to finally enjoy each other’s company again.

They wasted no time in getting to business.

Here are five things I learned as a professional historian-in-training at my first guest lecture experience at Dr. Lisa Diller’s (a great mentor and friend) Church History course at Southern Adventist University:

There’s a party tonight, and you’re invited. I’m turning 25 and while we drink sparkling cider to my accomplishments, it’s also time to be honest. I’m having a quarter-life crisis, and you are, too. So come on in, let’s all crowd into my little, gentrified apartment in Washington, D.C.

This week, my family celebrated our first Thanksgiving without Grandad, who passed away earlier this month. Grandad was my buddy and we did everything together. I’m glad I was able to spend this year with him.

There were several amazing teachers and professors who loved and supported me throughout this journey. I obviously didn’t do this by myself and never want anyone to think that I did. I also don’t believe that these situations I’ve gone through were supposed to destroy me, but to remind me of what God’s done in my life before. Special thanks to all of my friends and family who have advised me on this journey. Next stop, Howard University in Washington D.C.

2020 brings a lot of excitement (and perfect eyesight for those who think they’re comedians). For me, there’s a lot of uncertainty about the future. All of this contemplating brings more days of anxiety than anything else--these daily migraines are a testament to that. There are actually hundreds of people listening to the content that I’ve created, and that’s really humbling. There’s still the endless questions: What if I don’t make it into those graduate programs? What if my family refuses to acknowledge, understand, and encourage my creative development? I’m not avoiding my calling, am I? What if I get left behind?

I went for a walk this past Saturday evening to try and clear my head. Staying alone in my dark room on a really sunny day (as much as I love darkness) wasn’t going to make me feel any better. When I’m frustrated, I talk to God. That day, I was yelling inside. “WHY? Why can’t I just know what it is You want me to do? Why does it feel like I can never reach the level I’m looking to achieve. Why can’t I be successful?”

Everytime I watch the training montages in any of the Rocky films, I have goosebumps. You win, or you lose it all. You fight when you have everything to lose. 2019 is the year where I train harder, perform better, succeed even when the odds are against me. Everything is earned, not given. I hope that this, too, is your rallying cry.