Everytime I watch the training montages in any of the Rocky films, I have goosebumps. You win, or you lose it all. You fight when you have everything to lose. 2019 is the year where I train harder, perform better, succeed even when the odds are against me. Everything is earned, not given. I hope that this, too, is your rallying cry.

Let me be real with you. I don’t know what I’m doing right now. I don’t know if I want to stay in the field that I’m in. I’m graduating in half a year. I have lofty visions, goals, and dreams, and I’m ready to drop everything and chase them.

I’ve wanted to talk about this for a long time. Sometimes, when you find yourself stuck on what people have said to you in the past, it’s a little hard to keep moving on. I’ve considered talking openly about it, but what does that make me look like? Am I supposed to gossip about others in the same way that they have tried to tear me down in public? Could I even be sued for writing this thing?

“I’ve never really liked being vulnerable,” you say, as we head back to the car. Who really does? I’ve been dying to share portions of my stories for years, because I strongly believe they’ll help someone else. Maybe, just maybe, people like us could show a hurting world that there is a space to be vulnerable.

This year was rough, to say the least. It seemed to start off so promising for me: a vibrant, new relationship; a summer job; a twentieth birthday; a trip to Mexico, Canada, and New England… the list goes on. It was almost as if my year took a turn for the worse. My vibrant, new relationship was still amazing, but it had turned into a long-distance, trans-Atlantic relationship after less than a few months together. My trip to Mexico was a blessing, but I came back with bodily functions working improperly, and it’s continued to hinder everyday life even as I write this. My trip to New England turned into an awful scare when I had a car accident that was initially ruled as my own fault (Guess what? It was my girlfriend’s father’s car)! I faced an entirely new semester at my university where things had seemingly gotten worse. Friends and family members were dying, elections had torn friends apart, and so many of my good friends had not returned.